when you realize that you are not a person who is at will, you may realize you have lost more than you've gained (pocket or not). you are not a person but a pattern and you have become the one you are today because you made yourself. all that saddness, all of that anger...well you channel it the only way you know. make one more drink for her. it doesn't matter to anyone in here what happens to her. they just want to get in line. sure enough, you are first in line and you even have intention to get back in the line once you are done.
i don't feel bad for you. i don't feel remorse. i know you know better and you still have an excuse to treat those around you like a customer.
i've thought about all of the things i would say to you and all that comes out is a half written phrase. obscenities and all plus more than i knew i could even say. the more and more it comes out the more of what i realize is me forgetting. i forget who i am. i forget what i am capable of and what is good for me.
i thought of the things you said to me. i thought of the cover you had on. i thought about the phone calls and messages you sent of playing 'hot cross buns' via newcastle bottles. i thought about your excellent use of words and your corrections.
(((((((here i am and i want to be overseas. i'm not abandoning ship but i am kicking you off.
sorry, folks. be proud of me. i am making room for myself.))))))))
i want to live with paleo. i want to roam where he roams.
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